Comic of the Week

New Feature Column by Grandmaster A-Bomb

Due to a recent influx of letters to our association, our Newsletter editor has decided to introduce a new column: Dear Grandmaster A-Bomb

With the expertise of Grandmaster A-Bomb, questions and concerns about work, life, and other non-related condo topics will be answered in one sentence. He's just THAT GOOD!

With that said, let us go to our first letter received.

Question:

Dear Grandmaster A-Bomb,
Why do we work?
-Burnt-out Barry

Answer:

Dear Burnt-out Barry,
That answer is easy. We work so that we can continue to live this luxorious life of luxoury.
-Grandmaster A-Bomb

Suspicious Activity Hotline Abuse

It has been reported by association members of a possible harassment incident that may have occurred by an unknown caller on the Association's Suspicious Activity Hotline.

The association's president was overheard speaking to the assailant by fellow association members. An anonymous member overheard the president reiterating a questions asked by the unknown caller:

"Do I have a uterus?"
-President on Suspicious Activity Hotline to unknown individual.

Association members were curious if the matter was under investigation and whether charges would be pressed. The Director of Suspicious Activity was unable to be reached for comment.

Winter Storm Warning from the National Weather Service

/ WESTERN PASSAIC-BERGEN-EASTERN PASSAIC-ESSEX-HUDSON-UNION- 502 AM EST SAT FEB 11 2006 ...WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 7 PM THIS EVENING TO 12 PM EST SUNDAY...

The national weather service in Upton has issued a winter storm warning...which is in effect from 7 pm this evening to 12 pm Est. Sunday. The winter storm watch is no longer in effect. Snow will begin this evening...and become heavy at times overnight into Sunday morning. Northeast winds will increase to 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 30 mph...causing blowing and drifting of snow and near blizzard conditions.

Mr. Street, a Jersey City resident looks forward to the downfall, claiming,

I'm looking for work.

By the time the snow ends early Sunday afternoon...accumulations should average 6 to 12 inches. A winter storm warning means significant amounts of snow are expected or occurring. Strong winds are also possible. This will make travel very hazardous or impossible.

One association member who asked how they will prepare for the snow, claimed,

Remind me to stop by an ATM.

438 Files for Chapter 11

438's president announced yesterday

"We will soon be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy."

Members of the association attribute the financial crisis to inappropriate macroeconomic policy during the last quarter of 2005 and the first quarter of 2006. Members also argue that the crisis began with the failure to collect condo fees during the rein of it's first president.

"Basically, we haven't been paying any condo fees."

reports an anonymous member of the association.

Chapter 11 is typically used for business bankruptcies and restructuring. It is not commonly used by individual consumers since it is far more complex and expensive to pursue. It allows businesses to reorganize themselves, giving them an opportunity to restructure debt and get out from under certain burdensome leases and contracts. Typically a business is allowed to continue to operate while it is in Chapter 11, although it does so under the supervision of the Bankruptcy Court and its appointees.

Super Bowl Syndrome is Born!

Monday marked the return of Unit 3. It's occupant displayed the traits of one suffering from Super Bowl Syndrome (SBS).

The threat seemed real enough. If it could be demonstrated that Super Bowl veterans are suffering from the effects of uncontrolled crowds, they might have grounds for some restitution from the NFL.

Some place the number of Super Bowl field audiences who took part at 2 thousand.


What should I do if I have Super Bowl Syndrome?

My advice: Reconsider. Don't let the hype surrounding Super Bowl Syndrome convince you that you might actually have it. Take a look at the list of symptoms. Ask yourself if you had these same, or similar symptoms before you ever went to the Super Bowl.

What are the symptoms?

Symptoms of Super Bowl Illnesses (according to the American Legion)

* Chronic Fatigue
* Signs and symptoms involving skin (including skin rashes and unusual hair loss)
* Headache
* Muscle pain
* Neurologic signs or symptoms (nervous system disorders which could manifest themselves in numbness in one's arm, for instance)
* Neuropsychological signs or symptoms (including memory loss)
* Signs or symptoms involving upper or lower respiratory system
* Sleep disturbances
* Gastrointestinal signs or symptoms (including recurrent diarrhea and constipation)
* Cardiovascular signs or symptoms

Is this a real disease?

Probably not. Make no mistake, people are suffering from real illnesses with real symptoms. Real suffering is going on in the world, but it cannot be attributed to the Super Bowl in any way whatsoever. Superbowl Syndrome as a seperate disease, or set of symptoms with a common cause appears to be a myth. The New England Journal of Medicine, so far, is one of the only publications that has taken a stand against the Super Bowl Syndrome advocates.

On a brighter note, Unit 3 has made a major culinary dicovery of Coffee Crisps from Canada. Adam reports,

"I was eating it like someone was going to take it away from me."

Community Streak: February 14th 8:00PM

IMG_7225
Originally uploaded by shaman8933.

On February 14th, 2006 at 8:00pm, the Condo Association will host it's first annual Community Streak.

Participating streaker are asked to fill out a consent form and slip them under the door of Unit 3 for insurance purposes.

The condo association looks forward to this event as

"the premier launch pad for emerging condo events."